Mosquito to teach patience

Say, you are busy reading a long pending novel.

A mosquito sits on your left hand.

No sooner you shove it off, another one troubles you.

You get upset. You try to hit it hard.
It escapes leaving a mark on your hand.
The cup of coffee by your side spills over you and over the book as well.

Nothing happens to the mosquito.
You get more angry.
If at all, everything that's wrong happens to you.

You hurt yourself physically.
You mess it up around.
You lose balance of mind as well thinking that everything wrong happens to you and you alone.
That enhances the chances of more reactions rather than a rational response.

Reactions generally tend to be wrong.
You invariably hurt your own-self more.

That's exactly is the result of getting angry.

Not that I'm free from it.
The learning that, however, I draw from it is that there's no point in getting angry.

Reactions tend to damage you your own-self more.
Instead, better to stay in control.
It's better to act (as well as proact) rather than re-act while enjoying the process of tackling the difficulties at hand.

Mosquito is perhaps the reason designed for you to learn patience and to learn to come out as a more composed personality.

If a mosquito can

You too can

Make a difference man

That's my Haiku inspired by the quote of Dalai Lama: "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

No Time? Micro-Meditate!  
What do you do when a dog barks at you?
How To Make A Difference 
Conscious Of Self-Esteem
Catch a Butterfly

Overworked? Tension? CPU of the mind hung-up? 
Do you exercise your choice meaningfully 
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important? 
Eternally Happy! 
In-a-problem? No-problem! Dwell-a-while! 
I am afraid ! What do I do !! 
Fearful-Of-Death-of-Birth
Take Habits For A Ride 
Happy-Birthday-to-Youooo
Do You Celebrate Mean-or-Green 
Big-Be Or Bug-Be ! 
Raam or Krishna-Shyam: Tell me Hey Raam! 
Are You Good If Others Are Bad?  
Want Need-Or-Want 
Love is Care.. Care is Love !  
Deity is in the eyes of the beholder 
Success-or-failure! What-do-you-like?
Ball-Basin-Team Combine !  Maketh The Smile Divine !! 

Can-changing-thoughts-change-a-nation

Old-Problems, New-Reasons !

There is a vast difference between the two phrases; 

One; Old-Problems-New-Reasons and, 

Two; Old-Problems-Old-Causes or Old-Problems-New-Causes.

Former reflects upon the attitude towards solving problems. 

The latter pertains to the approach towards solving problems.

Same pothole on same footpath, same time of the day, but on a different day ... a different pedestrian falls and gets injured! 

Same municipal officer gives a different reason for the same (fall in the pothole) problem instead of uprooting its causes! This reflects upon the attitude towards solving problems. 

Take another recurring problem: 

Bottleneck due to garbage thrown around the same spot (Gemba) on road causing traffic jam almost every day. 

'Crying' people, both the affected (customers) as well as the problem-solvers (from supplier-side), react with different excuses in order to 'reason out' the same old problem although it recurs due to same old causes.

Problem-solvers with positive approach, instead, dive deep in order to objectively analyse and quickly act upon the corresponding findings. They don't rest until they find out the causes of the recurrence of old causes or occurrence of new causes, if any. 

They ask 'why' the cause recurred .. 'why' it got repeated. 

They do this why-why until the root causes are unearthed and eliminated. This approach is about taking a corrective action, which is supposed to prevent recurrence of the problem. 

Preventive approach to dive deep into locating additional opportunities elsewhere in order to prevent occurrence itself of similar problems due to similar causes is called as proactivity! Problem-solvers with positive attitude and proactive approach do this!

Presumption in the latter exercise is that the proactivity of previous researchers might have had limitations in adequately predicting occurrence of the problems, the failure modes thereof as well as possible errors.

Both the proactive and preventive approaches warrant the problem solvers: One, to be time bound in executing appropriate actions and two, to review them in order to prevent those causes from recurring by installing error-proof (Pokayoke Kaizen) mechanisms; both with a sense of urgency!

Isn't it good then not to be among the people giving New-Reasons for Old-Problems with Old-Causes: the Foolish Behaviour quadrant!

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder:

Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms !
When Safety Becomes Sorry 
Drove To Hell ... Almost !  
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
Take Habits For A Ride 
How Many Times Do You Wash Hands
In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!
Part-1
In-big-problem? Wear-hats-to-solve-it! Part-2
How To Make A Difference
Big-Be Or Bug-Be !
A Ride To Hell
Make checklists your friends
Nauseous Communication Gaps
Do You Cleanup-After-Crisis
Raam or Krishna-Shyam: Tell me Hey Raam!
Will It Work Here? 
That's How Morons Work
You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable
Smart-Moron Who Breaks Your Glass 
Wish To Be Planet-Friendly?: Save! 
Waste-to-eat-sea-to-drink
Don't Save Water on Holi-day
Be Shame-less Or Water-less

Invisible Tension

"You have to pay penalty: Rupees Two Thousand.

Why Ma'am?

Because you didn't 'declare' that you had held a passport as a child.

Madam it's inadvertent. During last visit the other 'window' advised to make fresh application under 'reissue' category instead of 'renewal'.

Then go to that window", shouted the 'cashier' (window).

"Fine. I don't have cash right now. Do you have facility to pay on-line?

Don't waste my time...". The lady reacted with an angry sermon. She kept me waiting endlessly. At the closing hours she put some remarks on the application asking to come back on Monday.

Questions that remained unanswered were:

Has she put some adverse remarks on the application?
Are they going to accept the penalty in cash on Monday?
If they do, then what are the next steps?
How many days it'll take to get the passport?
If they don't, then what? And so on.

My son returned with these thoughts that kept bothering him until Monday.

In many situations, one gets preoccupied with such worrying thoughts primarily because of lack of visibility of "what next?"

Someone borrows money but doesn't observe commitment to repay. Nor does he bother to give visibility to when he'll repay. A case of shattering trust.

School authorities don't give visibility for admission process and deadlines and so on.

A standard advice under such circumstances is not to get preoccupied with worrying thoughts. But it's easier said than done.

Isn't there some responsibility (on us as suppliers) to our customers?

Can't we bring in visibility to our role in meeting expectations of the customer and a timeline to do so?

Or is it a strategy by design to give the customers sleepless nights by forcing her to guess "what next?"

If 'Yes', then for a criminal it might be fine. But otherwise it's a criminal behavior.

Talk in-order-to Listen!

I came across an old Argnetine proverb: 'He who speaks, sows; he who listens, reaps.'

A couple of days later, on whatsapp received a picture of Swami Vivekananda that says, "talk to yourself once a day... ."

Do these statements convey different meanings?

First one emphasises listening more than speaking: Listening to others! We are given two ears and one mouth as the rhetoric goes. I often tend to forget this though. Of course at times you need to speak on behalf of the speaker herself to validate that you have understood. This is active listening.

The second statement too emphasises listening but; Listening to self!

Once the art of 'listening to self' is mastered 'listening to others' gets easier.

How does one 'listen to self'?

At subtler level, an intelligent but difficult way is to meditate!

At gross level a simple way is to write a diary; daily if possible!

Some do write a diary but conventionally it tends to be a chronology of events and problems. 

To go any closer to what Swami Vivekananda says, the diary should be about drawing lessons from the events and from one's own behavior.

Then the diary turns out to be 'listening to self' in real sense.
Thoughts and your response to situations change thereafter.
The lessons learnt from mistakes, if any, help improve one's self.
Journey from reaction to pro-action (proactive action) begins.
A step taken towards excellence!

Someday a day dawns with an appointment of a beautiful, handsome, strong and excellent person: The Self: The one that Swami Vivekananda had in mind!

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder:

How To Make A Difference

Big-Be Or Bug-Be !

Nauseous Communication Gaps 

Will It Work Here? 

Some Moron ! Some Great !!!

That's How Morons Work

You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable

Smart-Moron Who Breaks Your Glass 

WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Can-changing-thoughts-change-a-nation

Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture

Tolerate Once, Twice, Thrice?

Taken-For-Granted ? You Deserve It !!

IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important?

Eternally Happy!

In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!

Do you exercise your choice meaningfully

Do You Ask Right Questions? 

Overworked? Tension? CPU of the mind hung-up?

No Time? Micro-Meditate! 

An Experience of Heart-and-Soul

Bapu's smile!

Courteously asking for 'tea or coffee'!

Issue of token for work within a minute of entry at security gate!

Prabhakar's speedy response to take car for quick touch-up!

Warm get-up of the cool waiting room!

Job done in a couple of hours although (the paint touch-up was) with a little less of finesse. Generally a dealer would take a work-shift including a bit of waiting due to Sunday rush. Of course it was a planned visit so scheduling the job was easy for them.

Being a Kaizen student, I expressed desire to take a study tour. It was quickly acceded to.

Customer does expect such activities to be performed of course with 'aesthetic-smile' that competition has 'forced' upon suppliers in auto sector in particular.

He 'pays' for the 'standards' alongwith for the Technology, Tools, Materials, etc. anyway that all paraphernalia  management does employ from 'outside' i. e. from the material world. They even don't forget to put a 'smiley' foot-mat that says 'thank you'.

But what one can't forcibly employ is the evidence of heart-and-soul, the 'inside',  while performing above kind of trivial looking but relevant activities as duty (that predominantly need human interventions).

If one passionately enjoys it as a play it gives pleasure to self and hence for others. Inevitably it adds value to self that no one can snatch away from. The 'player' looks beautiful then.

For that 'beauty' to happen the leaders at workplace must enjoy the work themselves. They must enjoy their own work of - leadership by demonstration, - pouring heart-and-soul in playing their own role, - recognizing those colleagues and subordinates who do so,  - employing 'telling' tactics if 'selling' fails to those who don't do so so that they don't spoil others who do.

Hope such Heart-and-Soulful experience doesn't fall back to Heat (the customer First) and then Cool her!

With that consistency then not only will the 'player' look beautiful but also s/he will make the workplace look beautiful!!

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder:

How To Make A Difference

WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling

Experienced A Delightful Payment !

Take your career in fast lane!

Succession-Plans In Fast Lane!  

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Can-changing-thoughts-change-a-nation

Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture

Tolerate Once, Twice, Thrice?

Some Moron ! Some Great !!!

That's How Morons Work

Aesthetics Spills-Over Function, Want Spills-Over Need (Part-1)

Aesthetics Spills-Over Function, Want Spills-Over Need (Part-2)

A Ride To Hell

Will It Work Here?

You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable

Smart-Moron Who Breaks Your Glass 

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?

In-big-problem? Wear-hats-to-solve-it!

Taken-For-Granted ? You Deserve It !!

How do you behave when you come across security-guard of your housing society? Do you address him "Hey Watchman"?

In what manner do you speak to your driver or that of a taxi or for that matter a persuasive roadside salesman or a typical 'have-not', even a beggar?

Or, how do you behave with your subordinates for instance?

In very first encounter with them in the morning, do you nod as in expressing salutation to them? Or do you ignore their salutation if they give one?

If you've done the former, you have not-taken-them-for-granted. You have behaved as-desired like often done with external customers. Behaving other way round is like being indifferent. It's like disrespecting their self-esteem.

Indifferent behavior hurts ego and thereby breaks relationships. On the contrary a genuine smile recognizes their presence. It flashes back to you as good behavioral reflection of theirs too. It's like an adult-to-adult behavior that maintains self-esteem of both the parties as in BMT or TA language of behavior modulation.

How do you behave if others don't keep promises and instead misbehave with you repeatedly?

In spite of being in power, do you stay considerate enough say to bring facts of their misbehavior and indiscipline to their attention in a respectful manner? Do you play your role in providing justified resources if any to enable their promised performance level? 

If yes, then you have not taken them as well as yourself for granted. In inevitable cases you might have even reprimanded them for their undesirable repetitions though.

Former is like 'selling' instead of 'yelling' at them for their undesired behavior while the latter being 'telling'.

If you are not in power what do you do to reprimand their repeated misbehavior?

Such people may not be worthy of attention. Nor are they worthy of your fellowship except that to get job done with Krishna-tactics. Until the first opportunity comes your way to exit relationship it might be a good idea to make a little compromise while keeping them at arm's length. Having got one if it's not availed of then you do deserve to be taken-for-granted.

Aren't the same rules applicable back home?

Yes very much but with an extra care else you may not get food.

Recognition, review, resources, reward and reprimand (5-R) rules are applicable at home as well as at work. Wisdom will help you evolve which ones with what mix and how much dose to administer, when and where.

Those who don't apply a judicious mix of 5-R rules with wisdom (with weightage primarily in the corresponding order) do deservedly get taken-for-granted repeatedly be it at home or outside at work. In Indian scriptures this is advised as Sama-Daama-Dandaa-Bheda technique to get the needed done!

Footnotes :
BMT: Behavior Modulation Technique
TA: Transactional Analysis

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder:

Discrimination-is-Cremation of Law-&-Order (Part-1) 
Discrimination-is-Cremation of Law-&-Order (Part-2) 
Discrimination Cremated! But How Long? 
A Ride To Hell
Make checklists your friends 
Drove To Hell ... Almost !
Raam or Krishna-Shyam: Tell me Hey Raam!
Will It Work Here? 
Some Moron ! Some Great !!!
That's How Morons Work ... WASTES
You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable
Smart-Moron Who Breaks Your Glass 
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling
Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy
Can-changing-thoughts-change-a-nation
Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture
Tolerate Once, Twice, Thrice?
That's how some business partnerships work
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important?
Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms !
Beware Of Political-Presentations
Do You Cleanup-After-Crisis
Hoarders Of Filthy Hoardings
How Many Times Do You Wash Hands

Winning 2-Minutes To Customer

Just read in Loksatta about one Mr Chitale receiving compensation of Rupees 7250 directly transferred to his bank account y British Airways for wheel of his bag getting damaged in handling. Airlines' response was smooth and speedy he said. Airlines had tried to repair the bag through their supply-chain partner but in vain.

In 1997, I was in NewYork on a group-study-exchange mission organised by Rotary International. While traveling from NewYork to Orlando, inadvertently my bag reached to Chicago. I complained to the airlines office at the airport. They promptly sanctioned 100 Dollars to me against the bills for essentials like overnight clothes, toothpaste, etc. Being around Disneyland I was happy to buy a couple Mickey-Mouse brand clothes at the airport.

Next day morning I got a 'good-morning' call from reception desk saying my bag was already in the hotel lobby safe and sound. Not much trouble for me although the airlines did have an opportunity to eliminate the error in baggage handling.

In a stark contrast to such delightful experiences, in 1981 I had to run from pillar to post knocking doors and windows in vain for a broken bag and its damaged contents due to erroneous handling by Air-India. Since then I avoid flying on it: a customer-quit as they say.

I remember that painful experience even after decades.

What is the learning?

There might be some chance of a person forgetting a good experience but hardly any chance of a customer forgetting bad experience from a supplier.

In case of one airline it was about 'sensitivity' to customer complaint while dealing it with a 'sense-of-urgency'. In case of other airline it was about 'indifference' to customer.

Now a days the sensitivity has acquired some strategy and structure to respond to customer complaints as a part of excellence-journey of companies. 

A Structure To Respond To Customer

I had introduced a 2-2-2-2©structure in terms of a model to respond to any stakeholder in general and to customer in particular. It was first introduced in a Cummins group company: Fleetguard Filters Limited Pune.

It was later on institutionalised in Cummins group worldwide.

In the context of a customer complaint, the 2-2-2-2© model might mean 2-Minutes, 2-Hours, 2-Days, 2-Weeks time-bound response to  customer for a given level of performance strived for. The response is supposed to eliminate root cause/s of the abnormality within 2-Weeks rather than stopping at first-aid treatment that anyway must be given within 2-Minutes. A powerful review mechanism driven by CEO (with an escalation matrix that an aggrieved customer can access in case of non-compliance) is an integral part of the structured process in order to ensure the timeline and quality of it's compliance. 

In the context of various other business situations, the timeline may be different and must evolve. For instance for an emergency/crisis having high impact, it could mean 2-Seconds, 2-Minutes, 2-Hours, 2-Days.

There is an empowerment mechanism built into the structure. Timeline-based visible dimensions as above are the generic ones. Company specific visible dimensions may be some sanction limits such as 100 Dollars compensation or a freedom to handover gift for the hassles or the efforts taken by the customer to complain and so on.

More important are the invisible dimensions that result into the culture reflected in terms of the spirit, the body-language, the humbleness, the humility such as that I had experienced while the airline employees responded to the complaint in making it hassle-free and speedy. 

There is tremendous scope and choice for innovations in both in order to delight customer with differentiation. The invisible ones in particular are difficult to emulate. That's where lies the competitive advantage.

If such a structure is implemented effectively, the customer becomes supplier's advocate and it's rewarding in long run as well as in terms of short term sales and numbers. Such an advocate is much more effective than even a highly paid marketing manager.

A prospective customer is likely to believe and act more often if recommendation comes from the horse's mouth: The Word-Of-Mouth!

Success Or Failure: What Do You Like?

This blog-post is a standalone extenson of my blog-post titled In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !! When the door-lock referred in there failed to open 's/he' (character in the blogpost) overcame the initial panic by 'dwelling-a-while' in a smile (on self)!

In the 'relaxed' moments thereafter, s/he didn't 'worry' about the situation as a problem although appeared concerned' about it. S/he considered it as a passing-phase. The adult-ego part of her mind as in Transactional-Analysis (TA) considered the problem as a stepping-stone! Problems as opportunities in work-clothes' as Henri Kaiser says. S/he crossed the 'stone' with care.

Most often rather than end-result itself, it is 'worry' in the interim (before and after an event fueled by Murphy's-law as they say) that intimidates & affects activities in the present. It consummates us in the process. It pushes even the bravest of the braves towards undesired results as its ill-effects.

Why does this happen?

There is a thin line between 'worry' and 'concern'! 

From the perspective of Transactional-Analysis, former is the prerogative of child-ego or parent-ego. Latter is that of the adult-ego. While day-dreaming about unpleasant things of past or future, the worry-struck person forces herself into inaction. S/he pushes herself into a vicious cycle of negative thoughts as happened in the case of the locked-situation referred above.

When 'care' was taken with 'positive-attitude' (rather with 'meditative-attitude' of 'concern') locked-equipment did behave favorably. It has scientific-explanation to it though. 

Perhaps an equipment 'behaves' the way the concerned operator/mechanic behaves or causes it to behave. May be behavior of machines around us is often the 'reflection' of the 'behavior' of the concerned operator.

Although a little difficult to get convinced, rather than the situation itself it's the meditative-positive 'attitude' in the interim towards a situation that is likely to help. Meditative-positive-attitude reminds one's adult-ego to revolve her thinking around what one really 'needs'. Mere positive-attitude instead may unnecessarily 'push' one's child-ego or parent-ego in the rat-race of what others 'want' of you.

So after training the mind to calm down by  'forcibly dwelling' in pleasurable moments imaginary though as above, as a natural sequel the next aim should be 'equanimity'.

What is Equanimity? 

Usually human nature or rather (the child-ego or parent-ego part of) the mind is programmed to rejoice successes and to cry-out failures. 

An equanimous behavior is: - not to (overly) worry about result/s per-se, - nor about the undesired effect of a cause or of multiple causes together as also - not to (overly) rejoice even if desired effects are achieved. 

First of all, both the desired as also the undesired effects may not last for ever. Moreover, indulging into rejoice or getting worried as the case may be hinders the learning process in either of the cases. 

An equanimous mind tends to study both the situations. 

And in work-life in particular, it studies corresponding processes in order to find out causes and their complex interrelationships that result into effects. The objective as the Robust-design fame Taguchi San says is to learn and act upon them in future in such a way that the desired causes  recur and undesired causes get prevented from recurring or occurring.

In this context, a saint's advice "Theviley-Anantey-Taisechi-Raahave" that loosely means "Live and enjoy God's design for you" largely seems to be misunderstood. For me, it means 'Live-with-equanimity' while making genuine efforts to design a future for your own-self.

Years ago, I was standing the whole day under the scorching Sun in a queue to seek admission in Sydenham college. The college was considered to be the 'top' in commerce-stream then in Mumbai. I couldn't get admitted. 

Next day I found myself wandering around Ruparel college about eight kilometers away. And funnily I got admitted in science-stream. The then Vice Principal Dr. Shinde personally helped me to fill in the form in spite of no acquaintance with me whatsoever. 

Goal-less, aim-less and clue-less, overnight my thoughts and actions got a swing like a pendulum from considering apprenticeship in an industrial trade to the commerce stream and then swinging from the commerce to the science stream. Being from vernacular medium, I struggled making sense of science subjects & biology terms in particular in the first year. But finally I landed (the right course although) 'off' (the original) course.

Looking back, funnily I am happy. 

Repeating 'funnily' is about another story for  another blog-post some other time.

While writing this, I was dwelling upon whether the so-called 'happiness' as above was an absolute one or relative one! Holding on to the handle of the 'see-saw' tight-n-tough (see picture) I tried to recall that. 

Eventually tough situations in past did not last for me forever particularly whenever 'I' stayed tough (in mind, spirit and actions) in the interim. 

Locks did open for me when caused with efforts. Walls did turn into windows and the windows turned into doors.

So it all depends on how you interpret the See-Saw. It depends upon whether you stay confident in the interim. It's a great idea to dwell upon such questions with relaxed mind in order to find your own answers:

Is it really failing? 

Or is it actually a stepping-stone towards success?

If at all trapped in so-called 'failed' situation, is it worth wasting time 'staying-put' in 'fallen' condition! 

Or Is it worth 'standing-up to an act' with more zeal!  

Isn't it worth taking concrete actions without 'overly worrying' about undesired results! 

Isn't it worth acting upon the learning from the desired ones instead of emoting out 'rejoice'!

Taking concrete actions is what tough people do consciously. They put in extra efforts. And they do it a little longer than others. They learn from both the, so-called failed or successful situations. 

Whatever happens thereafter happens for the good, as the saints say. 

That's equanimity for me!

Also read a few relevant blog-posts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

Strategise To Achieve Targets Daily 

Old-Problems, New-Reasons !

Ant Knocks Elephant Down 
Will It Work Here?
Can-changing-thoughts-change-nation?
Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture 
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important 
Talent-Is-Latent: Enable It! 
Judge If It's Paralysis-By-Analysis 
Will It Work Here? 
Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy 
Does recognition really matter 
Who Comes First: Consumer Or Customer ? 
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms ! 
Do You Ask Right Questions?
Am I 'Short-sighted' or 'Long-sighted'? 

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Comprehensive-Strategic-Audits

Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms !
When Safety Becomes Sorry 
Drove To Hell ... Almost !  
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!
Part-1
In-big-problem? Wear-hats-to-solve-it! Part-2
How To Make A Difference
Big-Be Or Bug-Be !
Make checklists your friends
Do You Cleanup-After-Crisis
That's How Morons Work
You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable
Waste-to-eat-sea-to-drink

In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!

On a winter morning he was out to take an admission test. Just before boarding bus to the exam-center, he realized that he had forgotten hall-ticket at home.

He rushed back. The door-lock failed to open as he tried vehemently. Tension began mounting as he consulted his wrist-watch repeatedly.

The lock was behaving the way it wanted to: funnily. His body was trying to cope up by pumping in more adrenaline in reaction.

What to do? What to do?

He consulted neighbors. Called-up parents in office. Both advised him to calm down.

Taking a small break he sat on staircase. With closed eyes he meditated on sound the lift was making. Took a couple of deep breaths. Suddenly something clicked to him. He got up. Kept bag by the side. Inserted key in the lock. Pushed the door slightly up pulled it towards him gently while murmuring "Khul-ja Sim-Sim"!

Voila! The door opened.. He grabbed hall-ticket. Luckily he had (not luckily, he often has by-design) extra time at hand. So rest all went fine.

How does 'dwelling' help?

What had changed between 'non-working' and 'working' status of the lock? Three things changed.

1/ The break that he took offered him a moment to change his tensed mind into relaxed and uncluttered one.
2/ Uncluttered mind offered empty space for fresh thoughts that clicked an idea.
3/ The idea got implemented without tension.

After a couple of iterations the equipment did work. The problem that seemed very difficult, appeared exceedingly simple as it usually does in the end.

One thing was common among three things that changed: The Relaxed mind.

Non-judgmental relaxed mind coolly directed (hands to) focus on actions. It prevented negative reactions. It directed attention on choicely responding to the situation: Positive re-actions or simply put response instead of reactions as the respons-a-ble people give if you may like to call it.

Apart from quality of space and time it offers during the nano-dwelling-moment, there is a deep meaning behind 'mind' being 'relaxed' if one is willing to receive.

Mind gets more powerful to work efficiently and effectively if 'one doesn't allow' it to (overly) 'worry' about symptoms and end-result: be them good or bad. That's a gateway to equanimity! That is what Yog-Gurus advise and practitioners of meditation do.

Scientific explanation to how 'dwelling' helps

To put it in research-language of Behavioral-Modulation-Technique (BMT), peaceful 'dwelling' helps in providing a positive antecedent that encourages active-listening to the-self. As a result, instead of preconceived thoughts, facts of the matter get attention for further analysis and for follow-up action. Peaceful mind prohibits entry of negative emotions (the negative antecedents) that otherwise trigger ego-clashes and harmful consequences therefrom.

To put it in research-language of Dr Eric Bern's Transactional-Analysis (TA): In the later part, his 'relaxed' mind didn't 'worry' about the situation as a problem. It's parent-ego part however did stay 'concerned' about it while considering the situation as a passing-phase. It kept advising him to stay cool having experienced favorable benefits of doing so in past. Thereby his mind was free of 'emotions' of fear not allowing it's child-ego part to waver. It allowed it's 'logical' counterpart, the adult-ego, to take charge.

Adult-ego in turn kept both the child-ego and parent-ego in control and took next logical step.

It uncluttered the mind's passage off negative thoughts in order to accommodate flowing-in of more logical information and options in response to inquisitive questions such as 'what-when-where-who-why-how'. 

A factual information 'click-occurred' and surfaced out of that, that 'this-is-how' the door behaves sometimes during monsoon. And 'that's-the-way' it needs to be opened then.

While his mind was buried under the emotions of worry and tension, it's child-ego part was ruling and behaving funnily, prohibiting recall of abnormal behavioral patterns of the door.

According to Dr Eric Bern, mind chooses to behave differently in different situations. Sometimes it behaves as a 'parent', sometimes as an 'adult' and sometimes as a 'child'. In his words:

Parent-ego is one's 'Taught' concept of life (revolving around conventions, one's  past conditioning or programming) 

Adult-ego is one's 'Thought' concept of life (revolving around logic) 

Child-ego is one's 'Felt' concept of life (revolving around emotions)

In the language of BMT, each of the above egos have their pluses and minuses depending upon a given situation. Adult-ego is however supposed to prevent both the 'parent-ego' and 'child-ego' from hijacking a given situation. It also  treats others as 'adults' and 'respects' their opinions. That's what is called as 'respecting people' and behaving with maturity.

What is the learning?

What should one do when confronted with or when locked in an undesired situation such as above, or on failing in an exam, or on failing in an interview?

In a given situation it's but natural to have emotions. But it's important not to get emotional by getting carried away under the influence of emotions. Consciously keeping cool by meditative breathing does help here in getting over emotions.

Meditative Breathing To Help Dwelling

First of all count 1-2-3.. ...10 in order to arrest reaction and stay cool. 

Close eyes gently. 

Take a couple of de..eeeee-ep breaths. 

Focus on 'feeling' the 'cool' breathing-in and 'warm' breathing-out process.

The process de-focusses you from the clutter of undesired thoughts.

Hence you feel better! More composed!! 

Open eyes if you wish, but slow-o-ly and gen...nnnttt...tly.

Here is a beautiful time-slot you have 'hard-earned' for yourself. 
Now you can 'dwell-a-while-meaningfully' on the agenda on hand.

Focus on the facts that you see around concerning the situation.

Analyse the facts and process them in order to derive actionables.

That in turn helps one to choose, rather act by design like a parent, adult or a child as appropriate to a given situation. It prevents internal ego clashes and thereby prevents clashes with others i.e. external ego clashes (see in picture the red-colored arrows shooting out).

While stuck in messy situations or while making important decisions, 'parent-in-you' may help keeping your cool. It assists 'adult-in-you' to take charge of both the 'parent-in-you' as well as the 'child-in-you'. 'Adult-in-you' thereby can choose safe-n-sound course of action by striking a balance between emotions and logic.

While in play-ground, 'child-in-you' may take charge and enjoy while letting the 'adult-in-you' to keep both the 'parent' and 'child' in you in control and balanced.

At workplace or otherwise the 'adult' in you 'respects' other people. 

In this blog-post I have covered how 'dwelling' helps alongwith it's scientific explanation offered by BMT and TA. I have extended this learning and tips to my blog-posts titled "Success Or Failure: What Do You Like?" in order to understand equanimity and to "In A Big-Problem?: Wear Hats To Solve It !!" in order to see how it helps in solving chronic problems and larger issues. I hope it helps. Looking forward to your experiences. Do write those in comment box hereunder.

Also read a few relevant blog-posts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

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