Success Or Failure: What Do You Like?

This blog-post is a standalone extenson of my blog-post titled In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !! When the door-lock referred in there failed to open 's/he' (character in the blogpost) overcame the initial panic by 'dwelling-a-while' in a smile (on self)!

In the 'relaxed' moments thereafter, s/he didn't 'worry' about the situation as a problem although appeared concerned' about it. S/he considered it as a passing-phase. The adult-ego part of her mind as in Transactional-Analysis (TA) considered the problem as a stepping-stone! Problems as opportunities in work-clothes' as Henri Kaiser says. S/he crossed the 'stone' with care.

Most often rather than end-result itself, it is 'worry' in the interim (before and after an event fueled by Murphy's-law as they say) that intimidates & affects activities in the present. It consummates us in the process. It pushes even the bravest of the braves towards undesired results as its ill-effects.

Why does this happen?

There is a thin line between 'worry' and 'concern'! 

From the perspective of Transactional-Analysis, former is the prerogative of child-ego or parent-ego. Latter is that of the adult-ego. While day-dreaming about unpleasant things of past or future, the worry-struck person forces herself into inaction. S/he pushes herself into a vicious cycle of negative thoughts as happened in the case of the locked-situation referred above.

When 'care' was taken with 'positive-attitude' (rather with 'meditative-attitude' of 'concern') locked-equipment did behave favorably. It has scientific-explanation to it though. 

Perhaps an equipment 'behaves' the way the concerned operator/mechanic behaves or causes it to behave. May be behavior of machines around us is often the 'reflection' of the 'behavior' of the concerned operator.

Although a little difficult to get convinced, rather than the situation itself it's the meditative-positive 'attitude' in the interim towards a situation that is likely to help. Meditative-positive-attitude reminds one's adult-ego to revolve her thinking around what one really 'needs'. Mere positive-attitude instead may unnecessarily 'push' one's child-ego or parent-ego in the rat-race of what others 'want' of you.

So after training the mind to calm down by  'forcibly dwelling' in pleasurable moments imaginary though as above, as a natural sequel the next aim should be 'equanimity'.

What is Equanimity? 

Usually human nature or rather (the child-ego or parent-ego part of) the mind is programmed to rejoice successes and to cry-out failures. 

An equanimous behavior is: - not to (overly) worry about result/s per-se, - nor about the undesired effect of a cause or of multiple causes together as also - not to (overly) rejoice even if desired effects are achieved. 

First of all, both the desired as also the undesired effects may not last for ever. Moreover, indulging into rejoice or getting worried as the case may be hinders the learning process in either of the cases. 

An equanimous mind tends to study both the situations. 

And in work-life in particular, it studies corresponding processes in order to find out causes and their complex interrelationships that result into effects. The objective as the Robust-design fame Taguchi San says is to learn and act upon them in future in such a way that the desired causes  recur and undesired causes get prevented from recurring or occurring.

In this context, a saint's advice "Theviley-Anantey-Taisechi-Raahave" that loosely means "Live and enjoy God's design for you" largely seems to be misunderstood. For me, it means 'Live-with-equanimity' while making genuine efforts to design a future for your own-self.

Years ago, I was standing the whole day under the scorching Sun in a queue to seek admission in Sydenham college. The college was considered to be the 'top' in commerce-stream then in Mumbai. I couldn't get admitted. 

Next day I found myself wandering around Ruparel college about eight kilometers away. And funnily I got admitted in science-stream. The then Vice Principal Dr. Shinde personally helped me to fill in the form in spite of no acquaintance with me whatsoever. 

Goal-less, aim-less and clue-less, overnight my thoughts and actions got a swing like a pendulum from considering apprenticeship in an industrial trade to the commerce stream and then swinging from the commerce to the science stream. Being from vernacular medium, I struggled making sense of science subjects & biology terms in particular in the first year. But finally I landed (the right course although) 'off' (the original) course.

Looking back, funnily I am happy. 

Repeating 'funnily' is about another story for  another blog-post some other time.

While writing this, I was dwelling upon whether the so-called 'happiness' as above was an absolute one or relative one! Holding on to the handle of the 'see-saw' tight-n-tough (see picture) I tried to recall that. 

Eventually tough situations in past did not last for me forever particularly whenever 'I' stayed tough (in mind, spirit and actions) in the interim. 

Locks did open for me when caused with efforts. Walls did turn into windows and the windows turned into doors.

So it all depends on how you interpret the See-Saw. It depends upon whether you stay confident in the interim. It's a great idea to dwell upon such questions with relaxed mind in order to find your own answers:

Is it really failing? 

Or is it actually a stepping-stone towards success?

If at all trapped in so-called 'failed' situation, is it worth wasting time 'staying-put' in 'fallen' condition! 

Or Is it worth 'standing-up to an act' with more zeal!  

Isn't it worth taking concrete actions without 'overly worrying' about undesired results! 

Isn't it worth acting upon the learning from the desired ones instead of emoting out 'rejoice'!

Taking concrete actions is what tough people do consciously. They put in extra efforts. And they do it a little longer than others. They learn from both the, so-called failed or successful situations. 

Whatever happens thereafter happens for the good, as the saints say. 

That's equanimity for me!

Also read a few relevant blog-posts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

Strategise To Achieve Targets Daily 

Old-Problems, New-Reasons !

Ant Knocks Elephant Down 
Will It Work Here?
Can-changing-thoughts-change-nation?
Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture 
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important 
Talent-Is-Latent: Enable It! 
Judge If It's Paralysis-By-Analysis 
Will It Work Here? 
Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy 
Does recognition really matter 
Who Comes First: Consumer Or Customer ? 
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms ! 
Do You Ask Right Questions?
Am I 'Short-sighted' or 'Long-sighted'? 

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Comprehensive-Strategic-Audits

Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms !
When Safety Becomes Sorry 
Drove To Hell ... Almost !  
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!
Part-1
In-big-problem? Wear-hats-to-solve-it! Part-2
How To Make A Difference
Big-Be Or Bug-Be !
Make checklists your friends
Do You Cleanup-After-Crisis
That's How Morons Work
You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable
Waste-to-eat-sea-to-drink

Take your career in fast lane!

You might have read news items such as "More than 5-lakh appear for entrance tests competing for 50-60 IAS-seats" or "competing for 500-600 IIM-seats" or "IIT-seats", etc. 

IAS is Indian Administrative Services, IIM is Indian Institute of Management, and IIT is Indian Institute of Technology. Their global counterparts could be premier institutes such as HBS (Harvard Business School), INSEAD, etc.

Looking at such kind of news items many join the bandwagon without even caring to check suitability of corresponding professions in longer run. Some with plush jobs in campus placement thereafter find themselves landed into terrible trouble. In the midst of their careers they begin finding their jobs boring and wish to switch careers.

Why do jobs get boring?

During bouts of self-talk over a period of time, the so-called 'successful' careerists find 'something missing' in their 'plush' jobs in spite of a lot of money in it. They begin feeling underemployed although not underpaid. 

This happens because many a time careers get chosen on face-value of their 'lucrativeness' perceived from media's noise. Very few careers get chosen for the 'profile' that revolves around passion. Most get chosen for the 'pay-packet' without bothering about whether the job might turn out to be an enjoyment or a pain later. 

^ How should one choose a career?
^ Should one choose to be a politician, for instance, just because it appears lucrative?

^ Aren't there dimensions other than lucrativeness and 'pay-packet' that should be considered before shortlisting a typical career?

What are the relevant dimensions?

Every individual has some subtle individuality. It may be in terms of a melodiously timbered vocal chord, or an aptitude to mathematics or to orator-ship or passion to some form of art or a combination thereof.

Lucky are those who explore, exploit and enjoy while building their careers revolving around such individualities rather around their passions. Lucky are those who understand that lack of admissions in engineering, management, medicine, and corresponding premier institutes are not an end of the story. There are endless choices that go beyond such conventional narrow career-lanes.

A simple way to find a balance between passions and careers is to first of all find out what one is passionate about. Liking music or taking to it's thrilling beats for instance is different than being passionate about it. 

Passion is likely to be "what you 'love' doing" rather than what you 'like' doing. Eventually if 'what you like' does turn out to be a passion one must possess or be ready to develop proficiencies in the complimentary faculties to make a related career out of it. A passionate fellow about music should critically examine whether s/he is 'already good at' or is ready to put in the necessary hard-work (with smart-work of course) on cultivating her listening faculty or a melodious voice, etc. whatever may be her god-given 'possessions', into a required proficiency (developing & nurturing abilities or skills) to be a music-critic or a singer as a career respectively.

Even if the choice based on faculties does go wrong if at all, being passion-based, the extra efforts needed to convert those into capabilities and capacities might not be much boring. Passion is more likely to make the choice appear as a 'play' rather than as a 'work' or a 'job' (drudgery). Does anyone hesitate putting in heart-felt efforts on 'play-ground', for instance!

However much euphoric beginning it may be, a lucrative-career might wane over a period of time if the job is not passion-based. It may appear lucrative because of market-demand "what the world wants". It gets boring because it's not in-demand rather "not-loved" by self. So after a certain spell in the career, extra efforts called for by the market-demand appear like slogging. 

That's also may be a reason why human resource development (HRD) professionals find it difficult to motivate and align employees, howsoever they may try with the best-of-best pay-packets ("what the world is willing to pay you for"), towards the organisation's own passionate mission.

A couple of poetic lines ('Sher') by me on this in my mother tongue Marathi:
(One from you in English, Hindi or in a language of your choice is welcome)

असे ध्यास तर नसे तासनतास कामाचाही त्रास 

नसे ध्यास तर विषापरि असे अमृताचाही घास

A simple way to find out one's own passion/s is to engage in self-talk in order to zero-in on the activities that one enjoys;

- enjoys doing the most in spite of adversities and lack of appreciation from others,
- enjoys doing even at the cost of forgetting friends, family and food at times,
- enjoys continuously learning therefrom rather than getting bogged down by interim failures, if any, 
- enjoys performing them in newer ways while raising bar for one's own self,
- enjoys while finding ways-&-means to support them even if short of the required resources.

Knowing these dimensions, what steps does one take in order to make her job worthy and thereby shape her own career?

Steps to make 'work' worthy of 'play'ing

Step-1, Make commitment to choose career closely revolving around passion: "what you 'love' doing". Sometimes it may not be late to even switch the past so-called "liked" careers to the ones "you always loved" (and the ones that "the world 'wanted' and is willing to pay you for") particularly after the financial needs at that particular stage of life have been reasonably fulfilled. Be prepared to do so, even if some compromises are called for, both on your ego as well as on your current pay-packet at times.

Step-2, Zero-in on a couple of passions by a conscious self-talk. Key is in zeroing-in on them early enough. Psychometric tests may be useful in analysing your interests. Passions might be so subtle at times that only your parents, close friends, teachers and relatives might be in a better position to discover those. Unfortunately sometimes they tend to 'kill' those by 'advising' through smoke-glasses of their own successful or failed pasts or through (at times the 'self-taught') parental-conventions.

Step-3, Find out whether a couple of faculties complimentary to the short-listed passions pre-exist within. Are those faculties convertible into proficiencies, skills or Goal-abilities (my term for goal-oriented abilities) and thereby the corresponding passions convertible into careers?

Step-4, Without commensurate preparation passion has no destination. 

Put in the required hard-work and smart-work on cultivating the inherent faculties ("what you need to be good at" to do "what you love doing" in order to satisfy the "needs & wants of the world") into the Goal-abilities. Acquire additionally needed-ones if feasible. You may have to work over-time to do so. It's actually a fun-play working-out to heighten your abilities to suit the higher-level of your passion-oriented goals. While at the same time it's frustrating although may be easy to 'work' for the non-passion oriented lower-level goals.

Do SWOT analysis while nurturing with joy the chosen ones as above.

- Identity and polish your own corresponding strengths (S) if already possessed.
- Identity and overcome corresponding weaknesses (W), if any. It's important to allocate more energy on utilizing strengths rather than on overcoming weaknesses. The former is easier than the latter.
- Anticipate and tackle corresponding threats (T), if any.
- Anticipate and make use of every available opportunity (O) complementing the above process and in fact by being conscious to create some opportunities. 

If you are already employed, it might help greatly if you tune up above steps staying there itself in the same job until "the day" to do "what you love" with full throttle. There, in the current workplace, it may be easier to find out possible intersecting points between your interests and that of the current employer's. In that case, perhaps it might be easy for both you and your HRD to convert your current job into the one that you passionately loved and hence badly wanted. Instead, doing this by leaving the 'bird-in-hand' job might put you in tension ultimately resulting in loss of self confidence. Moreover, in the new job not only you may have to invest a lot of time establishing yourself with new "faces" but also you might get taken for granted there.

Step-5, Take an on-going review. Undertake a self-audit in order to check whether the chosen career is getting shaped as desired. Accordingly take corrective actions by going back to step-4 or step-1 as appropriate. 

A caveat: Being objective in deliverables might be more useful rather than merely being passionate and losing sight of the goals. 

Now-a-days people have been talking about IKIGAI as well, the Japanese concept (that means "a reason for being" or the very purpose of life), while planning careers. It may be practised in a structured manner with the steps and tips as elaborated above so as to take your career in right lane as well as to take it forward at a faster speed. 

Hope the tips help to attain the 'need-based' holistic satisfaction rather than mere 'want-based' monitory satisfaction. Former is long-term. Latter is short-term.

Footnotes:
Goal-abilities: Term coined by me for goal-oriented abilities. 

Also read a few relevant blogposts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

No Time? Micro-Meditate!  

Overworked? Tension? CPU of the mind hung-up? 
Do you exercise your choice meaningfully 
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important? 
Eternally Happy! 
In-a-problem? No-problem! Dwell-a-while! 
I am afraid ! What do I do !! 
Fearful-Of-Death-of-Birth
Take Habits For A Ride 
Happy-Birthday-to-Youooo
Do You Celebrate Mean-or-Green 
Big-Be Or Bug-Be ! 
Raam or Krishna-Shyam: Tell me Hey Raam! 
Are You Good If Others Are Bad?  
Want Need-Or-Want 
How To Make A Difference 
Love is Care.. Care is Love !  
Deity is in the eyes of the beholder 
Success-or-failure! What-do-you-like?
Ball-Basin-Team Combine !  Maketh The Smile Divine !! 

Can-changing-thoughts-change-a-nation

In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!

On a winter morning he was out to take an admission test. Just before boarding bus to the exam-center, he realized that he had forgotten hall-ticket at home.

He rushed back. The door-lock failed to open as he tried vehemently. Tension began mounting as he consulted his wrist-watch repeatedly.

The lock was behaving the way it wanted to: funnily. His body was trying to cope up by pumping in more adrenaline in reaction.

What to do? What to do?

He consulted neighbors. Called-up parents in office. Both advised him to calm down.

Taking a small break he sat on staircase. With closed eyes he meditated on sound the lift was making. Took a couple of deep breaths. Suddenly something clicked to him. He got up. Kept bag by the side. Inserted key in the lock. Pushed the door slightly up pulled it towards him gently while murmuring "Khul-ja Sim-Sim"!

Voila! The door opened.. He grabbed hall-ticket. Luckily he had (not luckily, he often has by-design) extra time at hand. So rest all went fine.

How does 'dwelling' help?

What had changed between 'non-working' and 'working' status of the lock? Three things changed.

1/ The break that he took offered him a moment to change his tensed mind into relaxed and uncluttered one.
2/ Uncluttered mind offered empty space for fresh thoughts that clicked an idea.
3/ The idea got implemented without tension.

After a couple of iterations the equipment did work. The problem that seemed very difficult, appeared exceedingly simple as it usually does in the end.

One thing was common among three things that changed: The Relaxed mind.

Non-judgmental relaxed mind coolly directed (hands to) focus on actions. It prevented negative reactions. It directed attention on choicely responding to the situation: Positive re-actions or simply put response instead of reactions as the respons-a-ble people give if you may like to call it.

Apart from quality of space and time it offers during the nano-dwelling-moment, there is a deep meaning behind 'mind' being 'relaxed' if one is willing to receive.

Mind gets more powerful to work efficiently and effectively if 'one doesn't allow' it to (overly) 'worry' about symptoms and end-result: be them good or bad. That's a gateway to equanimity! That is what Yog-Gurus advise and practitioners of meditation do.

Scientific explanation to how 'dwelling' helps

To put it in research-language of Behavioral-Modulation-Technique (BMT), peaceful 'dwelling' helps in providing a positive antecedent that encourages active-listening to the-self. As a result, instead of preconceived thoughts, facts of the matter get attention for further analysis and for follow-up action. Peaceful mind prohibits entry of negative emotions (the negative antecedents) that otherwise trigger ego-clashes and harmful consequences therefrom.

To put it in research-language of Dr Eric Bern's Transactional-Analysis (TA): In the later part, his 'relaxed' mind didn't 'worry' about the situation as a problem. It's parent-ego part however did stay 'concerned' about it while considering the situation as a passing-phase. It kept advising him to stay cool having experienced favorable benefits of doing so in past. Thereby his mind was free of 'emotions' of fear not allowing it's child-ego part to waver. It allowed it's 'logical' counterpart, the adult-ego, to take charge.

Adult-ego in turn kept both the child-ego and parent-ego in control and took next logical step.

It uncluttered the mind's passage off negative thoughts in order to accommodate flowing-in of more logical information and options in response to inquisitive questions such as 'what-when-where-who-why-how'. 

A factual information 'click-occurred' and surfaced out of that, that 'this-is-how' the door behaves sometimes during monsoon. And 'that's-the-way' it needs to be opened then.

While his mind was buried under the emotions of worry and tension, it's child-ego part was ruling and behaving funnily, prohibiting recall of abnormal behavioral patterns of the door.

According to Dr Eric Bern, mind chooses to behave differently in different situations. Sometimes it behaves as a 'parent', sometimes as an 'adult' and sometimes as a 'child'. In his words:

Parent-ego is one's 'Taught' concept of life (revolving around conventions, one's  past conditioning or programming) 

Adult-ego is one's 'Thought' concept of life (revolving around logic) 

Child-ego is one's 'Felt' concept of life (revolving around emotions)

In the language of BMT, each of the above egos have their pluses and minuses depending upon a given situation. Adult-ego is however supposed to prevent both the 'parent-ego' and 'child-ego' from hijacking a given situation. It also  treats others as 'adults' and 'respects' their opinions. That's what is called as 'respecting people' and behaving with maturity.

What is the learning?

What should one do when confronted with or when locked in an undesired situation such as above, or on failing in an exam, or on failing in an interview?

In a given situation it's but natural to have emotions. But it's important not to get emotional by getting carried away under the influence of emotions. Consciously keeping cool by meditative breathing does help here in getting over emotions.

Meditative Breathing To Help Dwelling

First of all count 1-2-3.. ...10 in order to arrest reaction and stay cool. 

Close eyes gently. 

Take a couple of de..eeeee-ep breaths. 

Focus on 'feeling' the 'cool' breathing-in and 'warm' breathing-out process.

The process de-focusses you from the clutter of undesired thoughts.

Hence you feel better! More composed!! 

Open eyes if you wish, but slow-o-ly and gen...nnnttt...tly.

Here is a beautiful time-slot you have 'hard-earned' for yourself. 
Now you can 'dwell-a-while-meaningfully' on the agenda on hand.

Focus on the facts that you see around concerning the situation.

Analyse the facts and process them in order to derive actionables.

That in turn helps one to choose, rather act by design like a parent, adult or a child as appropriate to a given situation. It prevents internal ego clashes and thereby prevents clashes with others i.e. external ego clashes (see in picture the red-colored arrows shooting out).

While stuck in messy situations or while making important decisions, 'parent-in-you' may help keeping your cool. It assists 'adult-in-you' to take charge of both the 'parent-in-you' as well as the 'child-in-you'. 'Adult-in-you' thereby can choose safe-n-sound course of action by striking a balance between emotions and logic.

While in play-ground, 'child-in-you' may take charge and enjoy while letting the 'adult-in-you' to keep both the 'parent' and 'child' in you in control and balanced.

At workplace or otherwise the 'adult' in you 'respects' other people. 

In this blog-post I have covered how 'dwelling' helps alongwith it's scientific explanation offered by BMT and TA. I have extended this learning and tips to my blog-posts titled "Success Or Failure: What Do You Like?" in order to understand equanimity and to "In A Big-Problem?: Wear Hats To Solve It !!" in order to see how it helps in solving chronic problems and larger issues. I hope it helps. Looking forward to your experiences. Do write those in comment box hereunder.

Also read a few relevant blog-posts hereunder: Please do consider leaving a comment or sharing this post.

Strategise To Achieve Targets Daily 

Old-Problems, New-Reasons !

Ant Knocks Elephant Down 
Will It Work Here?
Can-changing-thoughts-change-nation?
Ridiculous Poison-culture versus Maverick Kaizen-culture 
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
IQ-EQ-or-SQ: What-is-more-important 
Talent-Is-Latent: Enable It! 
Judge If It's Paralysis-By-Analysis 
Will It Work Here? 
Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy 
Does recognition really matter 
Who Comes First: Consumer Or Customer ? 
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms ! 
Do You Ask Right Questions?
Am I 'Short-sighted' or 'Long-sighted'? 

Suggestions On-Sale, None-To-Buy

Comprehensive-Strategic-Audits

Prevention: The Best Cure! ... Is it really so?
Treat Root-causes, Not Symptoms !
When Safety Becomes Sorry 
Drove To Hell ... Almost !  
WOW Work-Culture: By Telling or Selling 
In a Problem?: No Problem ! Dwell A While !!
Part-1
In-big-problem? Wear-hats-to-solve-it! Part-2
How To Make A Difference
Big-Be Or Bug-Be !
Make checklists your friends
Do You Cleanup-After-Crisis
That's How Morons Work
You seem Reasonable if you appear Un-reasonable
Waste-to-eat-sea-to-drink